By the way, the board always met at the local Loyal Order of Moose lodge, and it consisted of several individuals who were, unlike Rank Sturgeon, indisputably members, including Cobblestone Cinderella and Filson Muckraker, the chair and vice-chair respectively. As it turned out, it was the former who had called the meeting that had prompted Rank to call the meeting he had called, and the latter who, per standard board meeting protocol, at the meeting called by Rank in advance of the meeting called by Cinderella initiated the proceedings by banging a hammer on the folding card table around which all in attendance were seated and shouting: “Esteemed citizen Rank Sturgeon, please declare to the board hereby assembled the reason for your having hereby assembled us.”

After Rank had explained the situation detailed above, a period of discussion ensued, and eventually a consensus was reached that Rank indeed may or may not have been a member of the board, and that in accordance with the bylaws governing matters of uncertainty or ambiguity related to the board, the question of his membership could therefore only be settled by a simple majority vote participated in by all members of the board. Here, however, board member Melvin “Vinnie” Rice-A-Roni, pointed out that inasmuch as all members of the board had to participate in this vote in order for the results to, in accordance with the aforementioned bylaws governing voting on matters of uncertainty or ambiguity related to the board, be considered legitimate, before the board could vote on the question of whether or not Rank Sturgeon was a member of the board, the board would have to determine whether or not Rank Sturgeon was a member of the board and, in order for the results of that vote to be considered legitimate, thereby required to participate in it, a determination that, in accordance with the selfsame bylaws, could itself only be reached by way of a simple majority vote participated in by all members of the board – a vote that, in turn, could not be conducted until had been determined whether or not Rank Sturgeon was a member of the board, and so on and so forth.

At this point, the board in toto, including Rank Sturgeon, who may or may not have been a member of board but was nevertheless present at the time, disappeared into a logical aporia from which it has not yet managed to escape, and from which no one has dared try to extract it on account of the fact there is nothing but a kind of roiling emptiness, similar in appearance to the Great Nothing from the American film version of German fantasy writer Michael Ende’s 1979 Neverending Story, where the Loyal Order of Moose lodge stood at the time of this disappearance, and it seems pretty obvious that whosoever comes into physical contact with it will immediately succumb to its dark powers of annihilation. On a more optimistic note, it appears that the board actually might not have been necessary in the first place, for the institution for which it served as a governing body prior to its disappearance has carried on in its absence as unperturbed as a penguin on an ice rink. That institution, in case you were wondering, is a company specializing in the manufacture, distribution, and retail sale of boards, a valuable consumer commodity that can be used for purposes ranging from new home construction to displaying charcuterie to cutting round holes in through which to stick your penises should you and a couple of friends want to team up to dress as a wall-mounted coat rack for Halloween.